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Friday, June 10, 2011

OBITUARY FOR A FAILURE – AND GOOD RIDDANCE

Newton Leroy "Newt" Gingrich is dead. Rather, his campaign to be the “new” face of the ReThugs©, Tea Party and the Old Guard Republicans, is, if not dead, at least moribund. Good riddance, sez I. So long, farewell, adieux – and please don’t let the door hit you on your fat ass on the way out (or, come to think of it, your 3rd wife’s skinny one, either). 


Facts are thus: On Thursday, his entire senior team and top staffers in the early decision states abruptly quit, after confronting Gingrich about the degree of his seriousness in running. Gingrich has tried to position himself as somewhat of a conservative theoretician, when in reality he was no more prepared for this particular task than a monkey. Just vanity, like The Donald. He was withering away in obscurity, and he apparently was using the campaign trail to flog his latest book – the one that nobody wants to read. After his formal announcement, he attacked Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisc.), the architect of the GOP's budget plans, which include sharp changes to entitlement programs like Medicare and Medicaid and deep spending cuts to try to eliminate the deficit and long-term debt. Gingrich was forced to apologize for referring to the key GOP policy plank as right-wing social engineering - an especially galling phrase since in the American political lexicon, social engineering is epithet reserved to be hurled at liberals, not fellow conservatives. What’s both sad and hilarious is that he was simply enumerating philosophies and political positions that he has held for at least 20 years. Where he went wrong was in thinking that he was more the darling of the party than Paul Ryan is.


Gingrich was forced to apologize for referring to the key GOP policy plank as right-wing social engineering - an especially galling phrase since in the American political lexicon, social engineering is epithet reserved to be hurled at liberals, not fellow conservatives. Then, he was forced to deal with charges that he maintained a credit card debt of up to $500,000 at Tiffany and Co., the posh jeweler. While there was nothing illegal or improper, it was still uncomfortable for any candidate seeking popular support (particularly from an electorate focused on the lack of jobs and poor economy) to be tied to doing extensive business with such a high-end luxury establishment. Still, all is not completely lost for Gingrich, whose role in the 2012 cycle seemed destined to be more of a voice than a major player. He still has a bully pulpit, which he is expected to use on Sunday, when he gives a foreign policy speech in Los Angeles on Mideast affairs, and next week in the party presidential debate.

Man does LUUUUUUURV his spotlight, doesn’t he?

A brief history of the man shows that he’s got some pretty impressive credentials (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newt_Gingrich). Unfortunately, both his temper and his dick got in the way of his ambitions, and his fall from public grace was as spectacular as Representative Anthony Weiner’s has been – but a LOT more egregious. All Rep. Weiner did was act like a horny junior high school student with his sexting. Newt Gingrich had affairs with all of his wives WHILE HE WAS STILL MARRIED TO THE PREVIOUS ONE, and lied his ass off about them. He was having an affair with the woman that he’s currently married to while he was pushing for President Clinton’s impeachment, saying that a man that commits perjury about an extramarital affair lacked character and had no business running the country. When he himself was caught, he lied about his affair, and it cost him his political career. Now, he’s trying to be the most moral man in America. Trust me, Newt honey, the most moral man in America is already IN the White House, and there’s no room for you, there or anywhere else.

The final straw for most of the folks in the campaign was Gingrich’s decision to suddenly absent himself from the fray earlier this month to take a luxury Greek cruise with his wife, Callista - an odyssey one Gingrich insider called “the Greek tragedy.” Some of the folks on Gingrich’s campaign staff had strongly urged the candidate not to abandon the field for an opulent vacation (which could only be seen as a declaration that he wasn’t really serious about his bombast. In my opinion, at least). Gingrich’s insistence on taking the cruise reflected the deep disconnect between his staff’s idea of what was required to win the nomination, and Gingrich’s own. Gingrich sometimes “seemed almost annoyed at the process,” one top staffer said. Of course, a lot of blame for the implosions lies with his wife, Callista. Working in Congress doesn’t necessarily prepare you for the reality of campaigning, where your entire life is open from the day you were born to the day that you’re currently living. There aren’t a lot of people that can take that kind of scrutiny; it’s worse than being a member of Britain’s Royal Family in that you live constantly in the fishbowl with all the eyes and all the lights focused on you 24/7. Obviously, Mrs. GingrichTheThird wasn’t comfortable with the glaring lights and the constant stream of news media folks following them around, and I for one don’t really blame her. Plus, of course, there was that embarrassing episode where a gay protestor showered them both with a box of glitter during a book signing at a campaign stop. I think that she decided then that she was SO not interested in campaigning.


Gingrich told ABC News that he was prepared to go out and to campaign intensely, but that he wanted to campaign on ideas and on solutions and that he wanted to do it in a way that brings Americans together into a large movement. Excuse me, what? Doesn’t that sound like the Tea Party to y’all? And if he was so invested in his campaign, why take the time to go on a cruise, when he should have been fundraising and schmoozing? "There is a fundamental strategic difference between the traditional consulting community and the kind of campaign I want to run. Now we'll find out over the next year who's right," Gingrich said on Friday. I’ll tell you who’s right: the anonymous man who told Gingrich to get OUT before he made a bigger fool out of himself than he already had. Of course, politics, like nature, abhors a vacuum, and there is space in the current GOP field for candidates like Texas Gov. Rick Perry and former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, both of whom are said to be eyeing a possible run. That match-up would really be hilarious. Rudy the Red-faced transvestite, and GovGoodHair, who just finished gutting the state school systems of Texas.
So, sic transit gloriouso to a faithless, immoral man, whose appetites far outran both his capabilities, his intellect and his common sense.

Goodbye, and GOOD RIDDANCE. And DON’T come back.

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