THE NEW ADVENTURES OF GOVGOODHAIR, CHAPTER II

Cuz’n Anne Richards once remarked about TheUnAnointedWishesHeWereKing, Georgie-Porgie Bu$hit, “Poor George . . . he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” After the last 3 days, I’m beginning to believe that he was FAR from the only one. Witness the statements made by GovGoodHair on Monday and Tuesday of this week.

Mr. Perry spoke in Iowa on Monday, and had some nasty words for Ben Bernanke. Perry told supporters at the end of his first full day campaigning in Iowa that he wasn't a big fan of the head of the Fed, and suggested that Texans would probably beat Bernanke up if he prints anymore money before the next election. Just so y’all will know, GovGoodHair doesn’t want to “beat Bernanke up”. The punishment for treason is capitol punishment. Therefore, as Gawker's Max Read puts it, "Rick Perry Wants to Execute Ben Bernanke”. NEVER MIND that Mr. Bernanke is a Bu$hit appointee. Mr. Perry really, REALLY doesn’t like him, to wit: “If this guy prints more money between now and the election, I dunno what y’all would do to him in Iowa but we would treat him pretty ugly down in Texas. Printing more money to play politics at this particular time in American history is almost treasonous in my opinion.” Wow. Just ALMOST treasonous? And playing politics with money is also ALMOST treasonous? Is that anything like being kinda pregnant or slightly dead? Just what in Hell’s name does GovGoodHair THINK has been going on with the debt ceiling debacle these past few months?

Oh, WAIT – I forgot! That was the Republican/ReThug/TeaPartiers following what passes for their own consciences and “principles” regarding allowing the United States to default rather than do something positive and proactive, and that’s HIS party, so it’s OK to play politics with money. Thanks to Republican brinksmanship, our country now has an AA+ credit rating instead of an AAA credit rating.

GovGoodHair went even further in his criticism of what passes for monetary policy in MY country at this point: “We’ve already tried this. All it’s going to be doing is devaluing the dollar in your pocket and we cannot afford that. We have to learn the lessons of the past three years that they’ve been devastating. The President of the United States has conducted an experiment on the American economy for almost the last three years, and it has gone tragically wrong and we need to send him a clear message in November of 2012 that new leadership is coming.”

Wow. REALLY.

Trust me, after this, I seriously doubt that you, GovGoodHair, will be either that candidate or that leader. Takes more than a pretty face and tough talk to be a leader. Even Karl “TurdBlossom” Rove is against him. ‘Course, the two of them have a feud that goes back a good many years. GovGoodHair didn’t much care for then Governor Bu$hit, and he also wanted to be SenatorGoodHair instead of Lt.GovGoodHair. Kay Bailey Hutchinson was the one that got the blessing, the candidacy and the money to win that Senate seat. She also got the blessing/money/backing to run for Governor (which she didn’t win, didn’t even finish.)

And then, of course, there are the remarks that GovGoodHair made about the President during his first campaign swing in Iowa. At his speech before Iowa Republicans Sunday night, he said, "One of the reasons, one of the powerful reasons, that I'm running for the presidency of the United States is to make sure that every young man and woman who puts on the uniform of this country respects highly the president of the United States." NBC News' First Read wonders, "Does that mean he doesn't think the U.S. military respects its current president? That's quite a charge from someone who isn't the commander-in-chief." Perry served in the Air Force from 1972 to 1977; he flew a C-130 in the U.S., Europe, and the Middle East. Perry called the aircraft "trash haulers," as he told the Abilene Reporter News' Sarah Kleiner Varble, describing his service as one in which he had to expect the unexpected: "There was no telling what you were going to haul around on any given day, from high value cargo like human beings to the colonel's kitty litter." (President Barack Obama has decided to forgive Republican presidential hopeful Rick Perry for his not-so-nice remarks about the current administration, such as calling the President too big of a wimp to act as commander in chief, just this one time, because after all, GovGoodHair is new at this whole running for president thing. "This isn't like running for governor, running for senator, running for congress, but I'll cut him some slack, he's only been at it a few days now," the President told CNN's Wolf Blitzer in an interview today.

Wow. I know, I’ve been using that word a LOT this time, but it’s the only word I know that really covers the subject. TALK about an administered slap, PLUS an extremely condescending pat on the head! GOT to love the finesse.

GovGoodHair didn’t mention getting shot at, because one of the places he did not fly was Vietnam. As a military man, this clown surely knows that the Great American Manly Man Contest is not merely between those who went to boot camp and those who did not. There's a manliness hierarchy within the military, too. IF GovGoodHair is going to be stupid enough to argue that a wartime commander-in-chief must have military service, couldn't the case also be made that the commander-in-chief must have had that military service in a war? And, furthermore, if he just has to have served in a war, shouldn't he have been combat arms? And if he's combat arms, shouldn't he have been in the infantry, to understand what it's like kicking in doors?

Well, gangers, there is this: Flying a plane, or a cargo plane, doesn’t prove anything one way or the other. Being a pilot of any kind of plane doesn’t make you an action hero. Being an “action hero” doesn’t qualify you to be President, either. Look at Dwight Eisenhower, as a prime example of why military men don’t always make the best or the most effective Presidents. Dwight D. Eisenhower was a nice man who was also a ruthless, cold-blooded killer, as is usually the case with upper-level military people. There is nothing wrong with being that way. Remember what General George Patton had to say about that? Being a military man who is also the Commander-in-Chief might be a good idea during a time of war, although FDR (as much as I despise that parlour pinko and idea thief) was probably the best man for the job at the time of WWII. Having a military man as the President can be, and in Eisenhower’s case, was in a good many ways, an absolute disaster.

You see, democracy is not a black and white proposition, such as the military hierarchy, with a manual to cover every contingency. Democracy is not capable of being squished into a military mold, because that military mold is very straight-line and rules-dominated. A true democracy is messy, and it’s loud and opinionated, plus it’s all about compromise and shades of grey. Politics is the art of the compromise, and if everybody is unhappy about the outcome, then the compromise is usually a good one. Nobody gets everything they want, but they all get SOME of what they want. That’s what most career military men can’t seem to understand: you cannot ORDER Congress to do anything. You can suggest, you can advise, you can even threaten, but you CANNOT order Congress to do anything that they aren’t inclined to do in the first place.

So, I’m not nearly as worried about GovGoodHair’s running for the Presidency as I was a couple of days ago. Yes, I think he’s going to get the nomination. No, I don’t think that he’s going to win. About the only way that he could truly give the President a run for the money would be to have Mitt Romney on the ticket with him. Kinda like Clinton/Gore. One pretty, charismatic leader, and one handsome, solemn backup. GovGoodHair didn’t create all the jobs that he’s taking credit for. The state economy has just been that good.

Later on this week, I’ll tell you all about what I would make talking points and platform planks if I were running for either party’s nomination.

Happy Wednesday, all!