WEASELS ON PARADE, VOLUME #3

HI again, everybody! It’s TUESDAY, so it must be time for another issue of WEASELS ON PARADE. Wow, and this week, the environment is really, REALLY target-rich! (SIIIIIIIIIIIIGH) So many, MANY weasels, so little time.

Weasel of the last TWO weeks, and a returning champion: Eric “IF YOU CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO PAY FOR IT YOURSELVES, FUCKING FORGET IT” Cantor. I really pity the people that elected this brain-dead “calls himself a man”. I really, REALLY do. First thing, last week, there was an earthquake whose epicenter was located in his home district. He said Wednesday that he intends to look for offsets if federal aid is needed to help areas of his Virginia district that were damaged in an earthquake Tuesday. On Monday, after the worst set of disasters in over 70 years – a Cat 1 hurricane and the flooding which will be continuing for the next several weeks – he said Monday that whatever bills the federal government racks up paying for the recovery efforts will have to be offset with spending cuts elsewhere. "This is a time, an appropriate instance, where there is a federal government role," Cantor said on Fox News. "We will find the money if there is a need for additional monies. But those monies are not unlimited, and what we've always said is we offset that which has already been funded." While I believe that he’s partially right, the unstated threat is pretty plain: Find the money yourselves or fucking FORGET any FedGov help. I guess that means the FedGov flood insurance program as well. There’s more of this weasel’s wriggling here: http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-pn-fema-budget-20110829,0,5537241.story?track=rss

WEASEL OF THE WEEK: Our own home-grown Texas chucklehead, GovGoodHair. I swear, that boy is not only all hat and no cattle, I personally think that the hat’s about 6 sizes too small. He has stated, with no equivocation, that middle-class folks don’t pay enough taxes. He also stated, again with no equivocation, that Social Security is a “Ponzi” scheme that isn’t going to pay for itself past 2025 (economists do not agree; according to Paul Krugman and Senator Bernie Sanders, the system is solvent through 2037). Basically, he’s another in a long line of “aw, shucks, ma’am” Cooperesque Texas politicos – which isn’t to say that they have all been morons (Sam Rayburn certainly wasn’t, and neither was Lyndon Johnson), and he’s all about proving that he’s more than a pretty face. Folks, this is the man that refused 8 billion in stimulus monies, and then begged the President for at least 5 billion in aid because of the wildfires and the drought. This is a man that believes in creationism, and thinks that science is something to be afraid of. I’ll add that he’s got a degree in veterinary medicine, which is all ABOUT science.

WEASEL OF THE MONTH (AND a new contender for WEASEL OF THE YEAR): Representative Michelle “I’M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT AND I’VE GOT MY HUSBAND’S PERMISSION TO DO IT” Bachman. This is the woman that has publicly stated I don’t know how many times that a woman should submit to her husband in all things. I somehow do NOT think that that mindset will play in Peoria, let alone in Washington, OR in the real world. She hates women who are in favour of women’s health initiatives, AIDs education and treatment, evolution, free school breakfast and lunch programs for the pre-K to 8th grade children, allowing anybody that isn’t white and rich to vote, and any and everything else that the Tea Party is in favour of that retros this country back to the Eisenhower Era of the 50’s. Her latest chuckleheaded remarks would be funny if they weren’t so disgusting: She publicly stated during a campaign rally, that the earthquake and the hurricane were her personal version of her god’s attempts to get the politicians’ attention. The direct quote is as follows: "I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, "Are you going to start listening to me here?" Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending." Rep. Bachman is also in favour of drilling in environmentally sensitive land areas, to wit: she wants to get rid of the federal Environmental Protection Agency, but said she would rely on experts to determine whether drilling can be done without harming the environment, the Associated Press reports. Uh-huh. WHOSE experts, and how much attention? “Whether that is in the Everglades, or whether that is in the eastern Gulf region, or whether that's in North Dakota, we need to go where the energy is,” she told her very carefully hand-picked audiences in Florida over the weekend. “No one wants to hurt or contaminate the earth. We don't want to harm our water, our ecosystems or the air. That is a minimum bar,” she told her audiences. “From there, though, that doesn't mean that the two goals have to be mutually exclusive. We can protect the environment and do so responsibly, but we can also protect the environment and not kill jobs in America and not deny ourselves access to the energy resources that America's been so blessed with.”

LEADING CANDIDATES FOR WEASEL OF THE YEAR: #1: The racist, homophobic, whites-for-the-most (99.999%)part Tea Party. ANY member of the Tea Party, starting with Ron Paul. #2: Eric Cantor, for obvious reasons. #3: GovGoodHair. #4: Michele Bachman. #5: Sarah “CARIBOU BARBIE” Palin.

As I said, so many, MANY weasels. So very little time.